Andy Rooney says you have to have an ego to be a writer. He also said, "It’s egotistical to think anybody else cares what you think and put down on paper about anything." What does Andy know anyway? * * * In my eyes our national news media is a joke. Lately they’ve been after Sarah Palin. Okay, that’s fine. She bought a bunch of clothes with campaign money. I’ll bet that hasn’t been done before. How about Barack Obama? Where does his money come from? He’s raising a record amount of money for his campaign, and nobody looks into it? If you ask the media they’ll probably reply, "That’s okay, we like him." They tore Richard Nixon apart trying to get to the bottom of Watergate. Must be all of that work tuckered them out. I know that not too many years ago the news media did not touch a President. That ended when Richard Nixon was elected. They didn’t like him at all. To have the news media, along with whatever group or groups that are sponsoring Obama with their huge record contributions, try and influence the election that’s supposed to belong to the people — the citizens of this country — there’s something wrong going on. They, the media, don’t care who’s funding Obama’s campaign. It could be Russia; it could be China, or it could be somebody in the Middle East. We do know for sure that he turned down public funding. That’s us. All they know or care about is change; they have to have change. I’m not sure we’re going to like it when it gets here. * * * The more they dig into the latest financial crisis we’re going through, the more it stinks. Turns out our Congress had a hand in it. They helped let the dogs loose. I wonder who paid them to do that. We had a similar situation at Federal-Mogul. The board of directors hired Dick Snell as the new CEO. Even the employees at the lowest level of the company heard that he would either make or break the company. He had that reputation. All the board of directors ever saw was dollar signs. Snell came up with that infamous Big Hairy Audacious Goal to expand the company and make more money. We all know what happened after that. The board of directors all should have been fired, but they weren’t. Instead they came out of it like they were innocent as hell. That’s what’s going on today with this country. There are people who know and can’t do a thing about it. There are also people who know and can do something about it, but they won’t — too many of these $$$ floating around. * * * I didn’t get a chance to watch or tape the Detroit Lions this weekend. They didn’t sell out for the first time since Ford Field became their home. I’m not sure yet why it’s a 72-hour no-broadcast rule if the tickets aren’t all sold by then. I always thought it had something to do with giving the networks time to set up their equipment. That’s probably a naive (and dumb) thought on my part. I have a better plan. Let’s make it a 24-hour rule; and if the game doesn’t sell out by then, the owner of the team is billed for the unsold tickets as punishment for putting a bad product on the field. Then they can broadcast each and every game to those of us who live within 75 miles of Detroit but for whatever reason can’t make the game. The stadium seats 65,000 people for a football game, but it’s a sure bet they can’t seat every Lion fan in the blackout area. And another thing. These stadiums are funded mostly by public money. Isn’t that us — don’t we own the stadium? * * * Have you ever noticed that the first song a musical group has a hit with really doesn’t count? What counts is their second, third, and fourth hit, etc. They’re called one hit wonders, and there have been a lot of them. I’m sure there have been two-hit wonders as well. * * * I’m still confused by the college football poll that selects the Top 25 teams. Less than two weeks ago Michigan State was ranked 20th in the nation. They lost to Ohio State (a very good team) and fell out of the Top 25. Then this past Saturday they beat Michigan (a horrible team with a losing record) and now Michigan State is 21st in the nation. Does this make sense to you? * * * By the way, for those of you who are by now wondering I looked up the word egotistical online; and this is one of the things it says: "An exaggerated sense of self-importance." Way to go Andy. You let the cat out of the bag. Until the next time . . .
I know I’m repeating myself, but I still have to ask the same question again. Who told Ellen Degeneres she could dance? I make those same kinds of moves just getting out of bed in the morning. I don’t call it dancing and neither would you; I call it trying to right the ship. While we’re on the subject of things I’ve said before, I’m still trying to find one good thing that’s happened while George Bush has been President. Even something little. I guess I’ll just keep on wondering. * * * Have you ever noticed that when things go bad in this country, the radio stations start playing Christmas music? Seems like it gets earlier every year. I started hearing it on October 18th, and it isn’t even Halloween yet. It used to be that Thanksgiving ushered in the Christmas Holidays, but not anymore. We're still five weeks away from serving up that ol' turkey. By the time it does get here we’ll have heard every rendition of Silver Bells there is including my version in the shower. I love Christmas, but it doesn’t mean other people see it that way. Some people have bad memories of Christmas; and for whatever reasons, good or bad, they just can’t let go of them. Take my advice; just turn the page and move on. That’s what life is…a bunch of pages we haven’t turned yet. * * * I had an awful week of football. Thankfully the St. Johns Redwings put one in the win column for us, but that’s just one aspirin for a major migraine headache. The Spartans were blown away by Ohio State; the Wolverines were blown away by Penn State. Next year both teams ought to rethink playing any team whose school name ends in State. There’s more than one way to skin a pig. The Detroit Lions lost again. One thing we can say about our Detroit Lions…they didn’t take a step backwards. At 0-6 there’s no such thing as going backwards. I’m still waiting for that phone call asking me to take over as head coach because just as sure as the Lions can’t play football, Rod Marinelli will be fired. The first thing I would do when I take over is to call a private team meeting, no other coaches allowed, and let the guys know that potty training is over with and it’s time to start playing football. They’ll growl at me for saying that, but do you think every football player Vince Lombardi ever coached liked him? I don’t think so, Gram. Some of the things we’ll work on include an offensive line that’s still on its feet after the play is over with. A defensive line that charges the other team’s offensive line like the Devil is after them. A quarterback who’ll get off the cell phone and throw the ball. A running back that can get around the corner. And last but not least, wide receivers who don’t go down in a heap whenever a defender comes near them, and don’t eat greasy finger food the night before the game. * * * Kudos to the City of St. Johns. I always said that Brush Street was one of the worst streets in town. Now that it’s been milled and resurfaced it’s a pure pleasure to drive on it. I’m sure some of the other streets I’m thinking of are on their list too, and I hope they’re higher up on that list and not near the bottom. * * * Remember a time when all you had was two dollars in your pocket and you needed some gas for your car? The gas station attendant was always able to give you exactly that much gas. Today that has become almost impossible. The numbers on the pump go around faster than a slot machine at a casino. I always try to pump an even amount of gas in dollars so I don’t have to think about the change. Today (Tuesday) is the first day I’ve been able to do that, so the falling price of gas is helping. Until the next time . . .
What is it with some of our government officials anyway? Do they go right out after election and have an affair of some sort? They can’t even do that right either. Okay, okay, I’ll give you that JFK did the same thing only nobody reported it. Just wondering. * * * I hate it when they rank the Michigan State Spartan football team in the top twenty-five. They went into last Saturday’s game with Northwestern ranked twenty-three in the nation. On top of that, Northwestern hadn’t lost a game this year. I could see an upset coming. So what happened? The Spartans won, and we all breathed a sigh of relief because the jinx had been put on hold for another week. It doesn’t get any easier because Ohio State comes to East Lansing Saturday to play the Spartans who are now ranked twentieth in the nation. I’ll keep my fingers and toes crossed (that isn’t easy) during the game knowing full well that we’re only one loss away from being dropped from the top twenty-five. * * * There are 435 of them in the House of Representatives, 100 of them in the Senate, 9 on the Supreme Court, and 1 in the White House. Who are these people? They’re the guardians of our Federal government. How are they doing? Take a look around. Things don’t look so good, do they? Just once I wish we could quit sending these same old tired faces back to Congress and really let them know we want a change. This has been a difficult presidential election process for a lot of us. It has lasted too long, cost too much money, and isn’t regulated enough. So who do we choose? Where’s all the campaign money coming from? Are they lying to us even before they get in office? We know they’ll lie to us afterwards. I’m not voting for McCain because he scares the hell out of me. I’m not voting for Obama because he scares the hell out of me too. The reasons vary, but one thing does stand out. I don’t trust them. So how do I handle this? After double-checking to make sure my vote for President won’t void the rest of my ballot, I’ll write my name in. It’s a protest vote, and although it won’t count and not many people will know — I will know. * * * So what’s my take on the show Extreme Makeover Home Edition? I guess I don’t understand it. Yeah I know, the show is going after good ratings; otherwise they won’t survive on TV. But is what they’re doing right? They tore a 140 year old brick house down and replaced it with a multi-gable house with many rooms which is an overkill on the kind of house a mother with three kids actually needed. What ever happened to a nice little ranch house or even a Cape Cod house? As for the increased property taxes, I’ve heard a fund is set up to pay them. I’ve also read that those who got a major makeover to their home are being advised to refinance it to take advantage of the equity they just acquired. This increase in equity helps pay the bills, they are told. And then I read about foreclosures on some of these homes because the owner couldn’t afford the home anymore. If that is true, the show isn’t all that great. I’m still wondering how a family owes $140,000 on a home that was apparently falling down. * * * I’m still waiting for somebody to buy the old Federal-Mogul building. If it was my decision, I’d sell the building for $1 just to get out from under it. They would still have to keep any pollution liabilities. I see a lot of people who are tied to Federal-Mogul one way or another, and of course the conversation might involve a relative of theirs that used to work there. * * * I’m well into the book, Lone Survivor. The author just went through what they called, "Hell Week." They’re in the water, and then they’re out crawling in the sand. They do this several times and in between they do push ‘em outs. They carry boats in, and carry them out, and in between that they paddled them all over North America. Then they’d have to carry logs into the water and back out again. The logs apparently represented the weight of the luggage you’re not allowed to carry on a plane anymore. My Hell Week would have been day one. When somebody comes in at 0300 hours (3:00 a.m. to us civilians) and rousts my butt out of bed — I’m all done right there. Mine would have been the first helmet placed on the ground next to the officer’s door signifying that I quit. I can just see it now — a letter to my next of kin from the Navy saying, "We regret to inform you that we think we broke ol’ bauer." Until the next time . . .
Do Canadian Geese fly north for the winter? I’ve seen them go east, and I’ve seen them go west. I even saw two geese pull away from the flock (or is it a gaggle?) and head somewhat northeast on their own. There must have been a navigational problem with those other guys, I guess. Two geese cannot make a flying V, but they were still flying in a missing goose formation. Anyway, just wondering. * * * Congress passed the Financial Bailout package that was signed by President Bush while visions of sugar plums danced in their heads. So what kind of pork (pet projects) did they put in the bill? Companies provided for include: tax breaks for producers of wooden arrows for children, film producers, bicycle commuters to help offset the cost of parking their bike, motor sports racetrack owners, Rum producers in Puerto Rico, and the Woolen industry. Some of this is a continuation of prior pork barrel benefits. The bailout bill would not have passed on its own without all of these sweeteners. Does that tell you something about our government? I’ve said it before that they will take care of their buddies. I’m just wondering what it would take to get American citizens on their buddy list. A little money under the table maybe? * * * I think we’ve lost the Detroit Lions. Maybe we’d better send out a search and rescue team. I reviewed the tape from Sunday’s game and have decided the Lions were in over their heads — to a man. Instead of yelling at the coach to put them in the game, these guys are yelling to be taken out of the game. I would like one single chance for the rest of the season if they would allow me to be the head coach of that team. What does Bill Ford have to lose anyway? I’d want a million dollars for every win, and I’ll accept nothing for a loss. Believe me, I’d earn it. I think head coaching is all about looks. That’s the looks that, as head coach, you give your players after they’ve done something stupid on the field and they’re trying to sneak off without being seen. Bill Cowher was great at , but don’t hold your breath if you think he’s coming here. I’ve got some pretty ugly looks, and I think I can put them to good use in Detroit. * * * The reader who promised me all the sand I needed to fix my garden has informed me she will not pay for the delivery. It has something to do with the cost of gas. Apparently (and once again) I failed to read the fine print. I think my garden project is on hold until next year. * * * Yet another machine has challenged us. Our dishwasher is on the fritz. Either the water drain is plugged or the water pump is shot. We usually try to fix these things, but I’m pretty sure that if we call for parts, they’ll tell us they are no longer available. Aw Shucks! That’s what I wrote — that’s not what I would have said. * * * We just got our Flu shots. Did you get yours? I like to banter with people, a form of teasing them through conversion. I told the nurse that I pass out whenever I get a shot. She said, "That’s all right; I have you positioned in the middle of the doorway behind you; and your fall will be on the gentle side." She knew I was kidding her. I do have a problem having blood drawn with a needle that looks like a 16 penny nail. If they miss the vein they go fishing for it while the needle is still in my arm. My arm turned black and blue after that episode, so I don’t let them use that arm anymore to draw blood. I’m trying to save it for Golf. Until the next time . . .
Is there a power failure in major league baseball? What happened to all those homeruns? Was it steroids after all? If so I want to see a ton of asterisks in the record book. Roger Maris got one and didn’t deserve it. Just wondering. * * * I must have missed something. I thought John McCain wasn’t going to appear for the presidential debate with Barack Obama until after the government passed a bailout bill for the latest folly on Wall Street. Sure enough, he was at the debate and the bailout bill hadn’t been agreed upon. Is that a flip-flop? Congress has done it again. The do nothing gang hasn’t done anything as of this writing about the bailout of Wall Street. They decided to take some time off and celebrate a Jewish holiday. Congress obviously celebrates every religious holiday that comes down the pike no matter what the crisis is. And I thought Congress was concerned about the separation of church and state, or is that just about Christians? Goes to show you how wrong I can be. Anyway, shouldn’t we expect more out of them? They say they’re looking out for the guy on Main Street. So when did that start? If the truth was known, they’re looking out for their buddies. * * * We went up to Bay City last Sunday for the baptism of our newest granddaughter, Brooke Anne. She was a peach throughout everything. Afterwards we gathered at Ross and Kristy’s house for dinner. While we were waiting, four of us guys sat around the patio table and struck up a conversation. We didn’t talk about world problems; we went for a calmer topic. Because leaves were falling all around us, the subject of leaves came up along with a question. When is the best time to rake leaves? Should we rake them several times to keep up with them, or should we wait until the trees are almost bare and then tackle them? Leaves are Nomads and they change possession all the time. One day they’re in your yard, and the next day your neighbor owns them. Don’t worry — they’ll be back in your yard when the wind comes up again. Meanwhile we bought a mulching lawn mower this year, so we’ll rely on that. Our leaf rakes are on their way to the Smithsonian. * * * I’m reading a book called the Lone Survivor that was loaned to me by Kristy’s father-in-law, Walt. It’s about a Navy Seal and his experiences in Afghanistan. I’m not very far into it, but it’s easy reading and has so far kept my attention and that isn’t easy to do. I took a quick look from front to back to make sure Alan Alda wasn’t in there someplace. * * * My column received a comment wondering how I figured out the exact amounts of stuff I needed for my garden soil. I have to admit it came right off the top of my head. The only proportion that’s probably accurate is the pinch of salt at the end. To do that I’d have to turn my back on the garden and throw it over my shoulder for good luck. I’m a frustrated gardener, and my garden is nothing but Michigan clay. If clay were gold I’d be sitting on a gold mine! I believe all the products I mentioned will help loosen it up and correct acidity but again — how much? She says they have nothing but sand and gravel, and she would gladly give me all the sand I need. * * * Am I the only one who hates those on/off ramps on the highways that seem to occupy the same space? There’s one on W. Saginaw St. in Lansing when we want to take the east exit, and there’s one on our way home from Bay City. We came upon a convoy of cars coming down the off ramp while we were trying to get off the highway and go up the on ramp. What did I do? I checked my mirrors, slowed down, and waited for an opening. The trouble with these things is not who has the right of way. It’s who wants to survive. * * * I love my new GPS unit. I call it my windshield mounted back seat driver. There’s a computer generated female voice that gives me instructions. Even though this hasn’t happened yet I imagined these voice instructions from the unit, Please turn right at the next corner. Sir, you’re going too fast, please slow down. You’ll never be able to turn. Sir, you just missed your turn! Okay, don’t panic, you’ll have to turn left at the next road and go back. Sir, you missed your turn again! Sir, are you a blankity-blank idiot? My response to this would be to turn the volume down and keep on driving while still checking to see what road was coming up next. * * * Our latest adventure with the can/bottle return machines was different this time. We’ve already proven that deposit return receipts are okay if they’re $9.90 or less because they won’t require an FBI background check at the cash register. This time the machines were in one of those moods. One sounded like it was chewing up a used car left in the parking lot overnight. The other two we used had an alarm that went off and told us to put the bottom end in first. Unbeknownst to our machines, we already had. The solution to this? We put them in top end first and the machines loved it — at least for a while. Machines are made to challenge us; and when you win, it’s a good feeling. Until the next time . . .
