Is the presidential election over with yet? Just wondering. * * * They’ve finally come out with the fall TV lineup. I looked it over, and I didn’t see many shows that interested me. I’m waiting for them to come out with CSI 50 States. I’m old fashioned, and I kept looking for shows like Mash, Cheers, or Becker and didn’t see them. I guess they’re from a bygone time, but thankfully some channels do broadcast their reruns. Most of the situation comedies depend on canned laughter’and have for years. I guess I don’t get their jokes because I’m not laughing when I try to watch them. Outside of that I find more laughter listening to the radio. Are the writers still on strike? How many years is that going to go on anyway? * * * For all of you sports fans out there I have the news, but keep in mind — I don’t give partial scores. In football the St. Johns Redwings lost to Mason last week, but they’re still having a great season. The Spartans beat the snot out of Notre Dame, but the score didn’t reflect how bad it was. There were no Hail Marys in the game. The Wolverines didn’t lose because they didn’t play (sorry Jean). The Detroit Lions are now 0-3, but by golly they’ve found the solution. All they have to do is find 53 players with some talent who want to play football. As for the coaching staff, it’s like a board game. You can use any number of faces on the head coach playing piece, but the results will still come out the same. It’s Detroit folks. On the golf scene Team U.S.A won the Ryder Cup. That’s a plus, but there’s a minus side to it. I’ve never seen so many straight-in putts in my life, and some of these guys were putting from the parking lot! The only putt I saw that didn’t go in the cup broke off to the right at the hole. That’s probably because of all the traffic around the hole when the players retrieve their balls. It usually packs down the green, and later in the day it makes the cup sit a little bit higher. Thus, a break to the right or left. You ought to see some of the breaks I have to putt through. I always love watching the Ryder Cup, but I found this one boring because of the putting. Can’t some of our local golf courses use a steam roller on their greens like they did at the Valhalla Golf Club? As for the Detroit Tigers, they quit the minute they traded Pudge Rodriquez to the New York Yankees for some no-name relief pitcher. Pudge’s acquisition marked the beginning of the rebuilding process of the Detroit team — he was our leader. To trade him for a relief pitcher, who has been here before and we let him go, just took the heart out of the team. Okay, I hear ya; we’ll wait until next year. * * * My potato farm went bust. I planted 20 hills of potatoes with what I thought were good seed potatoes left over in the basement. They hadn’t sprouted yet but it’s my understanding that all I needed was a piece of potato with a couple of eyes so I cut them in half and plant them. I might as well have been planting light bulbs. The only potato plant that came up was from a potato left in the ground from last year. Even that one struggled to produce one lonely potato. Talk about a potato famine. All I need now to fix my garden is two tons of sand, three tons of cow manure, three bags of lime, three bags of gypsum, sixteen bags of fertilizer, and a pinch of salt. Until the next time . . .
I see a lot of words that have popped up in our vocabulary in recent years, and I thought we needed to take a harder look at them. Hopefully it'll help us understand what's going on in this country. Fleecing Common usage: To shear the fleece from. American usage: To separate a person or persons from their money or possessions. Accounting Common usage: Accounting is the process of identifying, measuring and communicating economic information so a user of the information may make informed economic judgments and decisions based on it. American usage: The art of hiding corporate money so it appears that the company is losing money because they took a 'charge' for downsizing and at the same time giving the CEO and his cronies a bonus. Hoodwink Common usage: To deceive by false appearance. American usage: To attack a country under false pretenses, gain possession of their oil, and at the same time scare the hell out of the rest of the oil producing countries. Foreign policy Common usage: The diplomatic policy of a nation in its interactions with other nations. American usage: Lifting the rest of the world up by dragging the American middle-class down. Speculators Common usage: A person who trades (i.e. derivatives, commodities, bonds, equities or currencies) with a higher-than-average risk, in return for a higher-than-average profit potential. Speculators take large risks, especially with respect to anticipating future price movements, or gambling, in the hopes of making quick, large gains. American usage: The process by which a person or persons can profit greatly from somebody else's misery. Belly-up Common usage: The floating position of a dead fish. To belly-up to the bar. American usage: What's going on with our financial institutions. * * * Wouldn't it be interesting if Wal-Mart and K-Mart had a department solely dedicated to American-made products? Given what I see, it would only take up one small corner of their building. Then I would like to see that department the busiest of any department in their stores. Am I dreaming? Maybe, but it's worth a try. * * * I was very curious about election procedures, so I did what we all do when we're presented something new - we ask questions. Can an American citizen and registered voter vote for themselves as a write-in candidate for president? That's where all the fun comes in. We have to follow the rules and file our "Declaration of Intent" to be a write-in candidate. It's quite a process which is probably why we've steered away from doing it. Otherwise it's my understanding that we can write in our names for President, but they won't count. Because of the American voter's disillusion with the Major Parties’ candidates (I'm one of them) it would be interesting to see elections results some fall day in the future that report: Democratic Candidate……30% Republican Candidate…….30% American Citizens………...60% Wouldn't that shake them up a bit? And believe me, they need it. You might have noticed the percentages don't add up. That's because it accounts for hundreds of thousands (maybe even millions, but who's counting?) of illegal aliens who will eventually be voting because the two major parties are wooing them. We've given them everything else, so voting can't be far behind. I will repeat my solution to the illegal alien problem, and it's not border fences or armed border guards. Just stop their funding. Until the next time . . .
Did anybody hear about that crash in Atlanta, Georgia last weekend? Don’t worry; it was just the Detroit Lions coming back down to earth. After a great preseason we got a taste of something that was pretty ugly. The Lions looked like they were trying to tackle greased pigs for not just one, not just two, but for four quarters. They also played like their shoes were nailed to the turf. Added to that mess was the quarterback yelling at the receiver’s coach which leaves me wondering, who’s in charge anyway. We will put that game behind us and move on to the Green Bay game this coming Sunday. Should I fix turkey or not? * * * Somebody finally wrote a letter to the editor of my daily newspaper the other day and said the paper is screwing up the alphabet. They start out with their A section but the A section can come in two parts. The reason for that is to catch the overflow of news from the first A section that apparently exceeded their six page limit per section. Following that there is the C section which is sports. Then they put the B and D sections which are Local/State and Life sections. C follows A? Now here’s the way I look at it. I have no problems with what they do with the other sections of the paper, but to me the sports page ought to be the D-section or last. That’s so they’ll be able to get those late breaking scores in and not have to bury it someplace in the middle of the paper. I also read the sport section last. I read the front page of each section, and then I go right to the back page. That’s where they put the rest of the story anyway. I suppose it’s backwards, but that’s what works for me. As an ol’ retired toolmaker I tried to imagine how they assemble the physical part of their newspaper. The paper they use comes in big rolls, so there must be a cutter someplace in the building. They have to adjust it every so many years because the paper keeps getting smaller. I picture it being on wheels so that they can move it an inch or two closer to the print rollers whenever they feel the need to cut cost. No doubt the rolls are automatically inked, and they’ve finally got rid of that person with an ink roller in hand. Their job was to keep the type inked without slobbering it around like they do their spaghetti sauce at home. I’m guessing that before the paper goes completely through the print rollers, the cutter cuts it off. That’s when the grabber comes in and accounts for those little puncture marks we see on the bottom of the paper. The grabbers have to take the sheets away from the print rollers and stack them somewhere. They must have a tool that’s also used by politicians called the flip-flopper in there someplace. I can hear the machine running now. Flip-flop, flip- flop, flip-flop. I wonder how long that goes on. Someplace during the flip-flopping noise the paper gets folded and assembled. Bring on the delivery folks! Are you confused? Me too. I’ll work on it. * * * The two major political parties have promised us change. Well by golly they’ve delivered. The Democrat’s candidate for president has a white mother and a black father, but to be politically correct we must call him black. I just refer to him as the Democratic candidate for president. I don’t have a problem with whatever his racial heritage is; I just have a problem with why he popped on the national scene so quickly. On the other hand the Republicans’ presidential candidate has chosen the Governor of Alaska as his vice-presidential running mate, and the Governor happens to be a woman. The first such vice-presidential candidate for the Republican Party. Again, I have no problem with that. As for the national news media bringing up the fact that Governor Palin’s 17 year old daughter is pregnant, don’t 17 year olds get pregnant anymore in this country? So what does any of this mean? Absolutely nothing — so far. Both candidates seem to have put the invasion of this country by Mexico on the back pages. These invaders are being treated better than American citizens. One candidate wants to spend money we don’t have unless we borrow it from the Chinese. The other candidate kind of likes the idea of continuing the tax breaks for the rich. Wait a minute — isn’t he one of them? Until the next time . . .
I think I need some smelling salts! The Detroit Lions went 4-0 in the exhibition season??? Yeah, I know, the Lions started out 6-2 last year only to finish the season with one more win and a whole bunch of losses. This year’s edition of the Lions seems to have more talent. Let’s hope I’m right. I was willing to bet that the players I was impressed with would be cut before the regular season starts, and I was sort of right because some of them were cut and others were signed to the practice squad which is an insurance policy against injuries. * * * Squirrels are prolific planters of certain seeds. They plant walnuts and kernels of corn in our backyard every year. I watched one go to a little pile of corn that Betty put out by the fence and grab a few kernels, and then head a few yards away, dig a hole and plant them. That explains all those walnut trees and corn stalks trying to grow in our yard. We do put our foot down when that happens. "Honey, it’s time to mow the corn stalks again, and cut down those Walnut trees out behind the garage while you’re at it." We don’t mind. I’ve only seen one baby squirrel in my life, and it clung around its mother’s neck like a mink stole while she toted it around. That was quite a sight, and I’m sorry I didn’t get pictures. We haven’t found out yet whether the DNR’s ban on bait piles during this year’s Deer season will end our supply of shelled corn for the squirrels. I think the DNR’s ruling is stupid, but what can we expect out of our government anymore? How are they going to keep the deer from fraternizing when they herd up in the winter, put football helmets on them equipped with a full face mask? I’m sure those brainiacs will figure that one out. Geez. * * * I hadn’t been golfing in about three weeks when I got a call from my ol’ golfing partner, Ron, wanting to know if I wanted to go out Friday. The foursome consisted of Joe Yurek, Al Weber, Ron Horning and me. They wanted to change things up a bit. Al needed help with longer drives, so I paired up with him instead of Ron. I used to hit the long ball once in a while, but nowadays I’ve developed a banana ball. That’s when the ball starts out down the middle of the fairway, then hits that imaginary wall every golfer knows about and takes a sudden turn to the right. The ball either ends up in the rough or even in the next fairway. I was doing my warm up stretches but I forgot to try and touch my toes — damn! When I felt ready to take a swing, I took the driver back and (leave it to me) smacked the 1st hole layout sign. You should have seen all the wide-eyed looks I got from the other members of the foursome. I had taken a page out of Ryne Duren’s notebook. In case you’ve never heard of him he was a relief pitcher for the New York Yankees in the late 1950s and very early 1960s. The unique thing about him was that he threw smoke and wore much needed glasses. On occasion he’d throw the first pitch over the head of everybody who was in the vicinity of home plate. If I was the batter I’d be crying for my mommy. If I was the home plate umpire, I’d retire immediately; and if I was the catcher, I’d just plain laugh. We started play; and I didn’t do too bad except whenever I hit the ball four or five feet from the pin, Ron would hit one two feet from the pin. Then Ron made some very long putts which threw salt in the wounds. The first nine went that way, so Al and I lost. On the second nine Al and I decided to play mind games with Ron. He always claimed that we couldn’t play mind games with him because we had nothing to work with. Well that isn’t true. His game finally came back down to earth, but that’s when Joe took over. He started making the same kind of shots Ron made during the first nine. Al and I lost again. What does a foursome do after a match like that? We went in the clubhouse at Twin Oaks, shared a pitcher of draft beer, and talk about politics. I want a rematch! Until the next time . . .
