It’s over, Believe in Now, and what’s their name
To quote President Gerald R. Ford in 1974, "Our long national nightmare is over." It has nothing to do with Richard M. Nixon this time around; it’s the presidential election…it’s finally over! Just think about it. No more phone calls (at least not from Mike Rodgers), no more junk mail, no more cluttering our TVs and radios with political ads. At least not for a while. Congratulations to President-elect Barack Obama although the election isn’t official until the Electoral College votes. Why do they call it a college anyway? People have already been talking about moving to Canada if he gets elected. They’re not going to physically move there. It’s just a place in their minds they escape to when things get the best of them. I don’t think they’re going to have to close the Canadian border. It’s a lot like that episode of Twilight Zone where life was getting James Daley’s character down and he sought escape in a 1880s town called Willoughby. It was a very peaceful place. For me it’s a place called Northern Canada. * * * Halloween has changed in our neighborhood over the years. Years ago the neighborhood was filled with young kids, including ours; and we knew most, if not all of them. As they grew up and moved out, there was a long period of time when we had very few trick or treaters. As the other neighbors move out, their houses were purchased by a younger crowd with plenty of kids at that trick or treating age. Now we have to learn new names and faces all over again. I’ve put on makeup like this in the past, but nowadays it doesn’t seem to bother the kids that much. I guess they’ve been over-exposed to Freddy Kruger. Had I done it again this year some kid would be sure to say, "Hey look, Mr. Bauer had a face lift!" * * * The rallying cry coming out of the Detroit Lions is, "Believe in Now!" I think I’d rather hear, "Another one Bites the Dust!" That’s the one they used when they were actually beating somebody. Maybe they could use that, "Win one for the Gipper," idea too; but quite honestly, I don’t think we have a George Gipp on the team. I am both entertained and confused by the Lions. They are the only winless team left in the NFL. There’s no other team quite as bad. So where do we go from here? Let’s look into scouting a bit. The last I knew the Lions belong to the same scouting combine (Blesto) as teams who win. The breakdown happens somewhere between getting the information from Blesto and the guys working for the Lions who decide whom to draft. We’ve got to change some personnel there. If you guessed I’m talking about firing somebody, you’re right! The Lions have a long history of drafting flunkies. Years ago a glaring example of that was Chuck Long. He’s that blond-haired quarterback out of Iowa that was going to lead the team to the promised land. After they drafted him they decided he didn’t have any arm strength. Shouldn’t they have known that before they drafted him? Contrary to what his last name suggests, Chuck couldn’t throw long nor did he last long. A few years later they drafted Andre Ware, and he couldn’t complete a pass in his own living room. He’s now working at his true calling…he’s a TV broadcast announcer. There have been a ton of them through the years. We drafted Drew Stanton out of Michigan State with our number two pick, and what has he done? They’re saying that Mike Martz screwed with his passing mechanics so much that Drew can’t throw a spiral anymore. Hell, I can throw a spiral. They won’t play him for fear he’ll embarrass himself and the team. Oh brother. And this year they drafted Gosder Cherilus to play left tackle. Apparently he doesn’t know what he’s doing either because they keep benching him. As for Charles Rodgers…I don’t even want to talk about him. Until the next time . . .
